You Can Parent Teens with Hope in a Secular Age

Raising teens has never been easy. Parents have run-of-the-mill concerns we think about each day: Will my teen make the team? Does she have a friend to sit with at lunch? How did he do on that test? Will my teen have a date for the dance?

And in our increasingly secular age, additional fears and questions arise: Is my son anxious or depressed? Is she struggling with her sexuality or experiencing gender dysphoria? Is my teen addicted to social media, porn, video games, alcohol, drugs?

All this leads Christian parents to their greatest concern: Is it possible for my teen to develop a strong faith in God amid a culture that celebrates sin, promotes self, and declares truth to be whatever feels good in the moment?

Just reading these questions may have you reaching for the blood pressure cuff. Our world is shouting at us each day with new fears, new statistics, new advice, and new ways of keeping up with the Joneses in the exhausting job of raising our kids. It’s no wonder parents feel as lost and unsettled as their teens.

When we feel afraid or uncertain, we can act like the Israelites—we turn to idols for comfort and relief. We chase down worldly promises of success, wearying ourselves and our teens to the point of exhaustion trying to find life in what can never satisfy. Too often, we battle our fears by attempting to take control—of our teen, of our circumstances, and of the culture around us. But our self-guided attempts at solutions only leave us increasingly anxious and angry.

Amid an uncertain and ever-changing world, believers can (and should) remain the most hopeful of parents.

Hope’s Source

Our hopefulness isn’t a nebulous positivity or a blindness to the culture surrounding us. Joshua and Caleb saw the powerful people and fortified cities of Canaan, just like the other spies (Num. 13). Yet they remained hopeful. Why? Because they knew God was with them.

As parents, we can acknowledge the giants of our secular culture while courageously trusting that God is more powerful than our enemies. We turn from man-made idolatrous solutions by developing a deep, daily trust in and reliance on God—his promises, his Word, his plan. Here are five reasons we can have hope as we raise our teens in a secular age.

1. We have access to divine wisdom.

New ideas about parenting spring up in every generation. It’s tempting to go along with the latest and greatest new trends from parenting experts. However, every book and trend represents the advice of a finite and limited human being. Some offer better advice than others, but the most profound human understanding is merely a drop compared to the infinite ocean of God’s wisdom.

Amid an uncertain and ever-changing world, believers can (and should) remain the most hopeful of parents.

The Bible isn’t the offering of a human teacher. The Bible is divine wisdom revealed to humans by the Holy Spirit. That’s why we can be hopeful parents.

As we read and understand the timeless truth of God’s Word, we’re changed. Our minds are transformed and we receive wisdom from God. Every human expert will make mistakes. There’s always more to understand. But God’s Word provides eternal insight—from the Creator who knows all there is to know about all things. His Word offers discernment, wisdom, and understanding that helps us navigate new trends with timeless truth.

So when that new parenting advice tells you something in opposition to God’s Word, don’t fear. Don’t turn from God’s truth. You’re building your home on a rock. The storms will come, but the foundations of truth stand firm.

2. We have access to divine help.

As parents of teens, there’s so much we can’t control. We don’t have the power to change hearts. We don’t have the ability to change circumstances. We don’t even have the wisdom to know what’s best in many cases (maybe that sports team we desperately wanted our teen to make wouldn’t have been good for his walk with God). We don’t know the end from the beginning.

But God does (Isa. 46:10). He knows what’s best. And he invites us to bring all our burdens, fears, anxieties, and insecurities and cast them on him because he cares for us (1 Pet. 5:7). When we don’t know what to do, we can ask God for wisdom with the assurance he’ll generously provide (James 1:5). Our prayers matter. We can be hopeful because we aren’t left alone, wandering in a maze of parenting decisions. God is parenting us as we parent our teens, and we can cry out to him as Father, knowing he hears and answers our prayers.

3. God uses families.

Our kids live in a rapidly changing culture. We rightly wonder if anything we say or do can combat the worldly advice and misguided messages they hear each day. While it’s wise to be aware of the messages our kids are receiving, we must also remember that God works through families (2 Tim. 1:5).

God is parenting us as we parent our teens, and we can cry out to him as Father, knowing he hears and answers our prayers.

What’s happening in your home is powerful. The love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control of a Spirit-filled home is a blessing to your teen. The best way to battle the world’s attractiveness is to give our kids something better. Social media can’t compete with real community—and that community begins in the home.

As Christian Smith and Amy Adamczyk explain in their book, Handing Down the Faith,

Some readers might be surprised to know that the single, most powerful causal influence on the religious lives of American teenagers and young adults is the religious lives of their parents. Not their peers, not the media, not their youth group leaders or clergy, not their religious school teachers. Myriad studies show that, beyond a doubt, the parents of American youth play the leading role in shaping the character of their religious and spiritual lives, even well after they leave the home.

Not every child raised in a Christian home will come to faith, but our homes are an important part of creating an atmosphere where faith can flourish. Amid a secular world, we can parent with hope because God works through families.

4. The church’s community matters.

Currently, our teens face a loneliness epidemic. According to one study, “In a sample of one million adolescents, school loneliness increased between 2012 and 2018 in 36 out of 37 countries around the world. Nearly twice as many adolescents displayed high levels of loneliness in 2018 compared to 2012, an increase similar to that previously identified in clinical-level depression in the U.S. and UK.”

Kids are more connected than ever—and lonelier than ever. Many attribute this change to the use of cell phones and its adverse effects on teen social behavior.

But according to multiple studies, weekly church attendance makes a significant difference in teens’ lives. Researchers reported,

Participating in spiritual practices during childhood and adolescence may be a protective factor for a range of health and well-being outcomes in early adulthood, according to a new study from Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. Researchers found that people who attended weekly religious services or practiced daily prayer or meditation in their youth reported greater life satisfaction and positivity in their 20s—and were less likely to subsequently have depressive symptoms, smoke, use illicit drugs, or have a sexually transmitted infection—than people raised with less regular spiritual habits.

God knows what our teens need—the community of the church. The benefits of church attendance continue throughout young adulthood: “The results showed that people who attended religious services at least weekly in childhood and adolescence were approximately 18% more likely to report higher happiness as young adults (ages 23–30) than those who never attended services.” The daily rhythms of the Christian life affect our teens. This is another reason we can parent with hope.

5. God is at work.

We often want to control circumstances so our kids never face difficulties, trials, or failure. We anxiously fret about this or that, trying to make everything easier for them. However, the Bible reminds us God is at work in everything—hardships, struggles, and even others’ sins against our child.

Joseph was tossed in a pit by his brothers. He was unjustly thrown in prison. He was forgotten by those he helped. He spent years of his life far from those he loved. But at the end of his life, he looked back and said to his brothers, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Gen. 50:20).

We can parent with hope because we know our circumstances aren’t left to chance. We’re not one decision away from ruining our teen’s life. God is somehow working all things for good, even in our failures, even in our trials. As Paul encouraged the Romans, “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope” (Rom. 5:3–4).

We can parent with hope because we know our circumstances aren’t left to chance.

There’s nothing more difficult than walking through hardships with our teens. Yet because God is at work, we can be hopeful. We may not understand, but we can trust he has a plan.

As we trust in the Lord, we set an example for our teens. And our hopefulness is an apologetic to the watching world (1 Pet. 3:15). In a secular age, we can have courageous confidence, not because the world is secure but because the object of our hope empowers our joy: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Rom. 15:13).